It�s Almost Been a Month...

It�s almost been a month since I left the cold confines of Upstate New York.

It�s almost been a month since I left behind the drama and troubles of Ithaca, Cornell and the surrounding areas and people.

It�s almost been a month since I parted ways with some very close friends, as well as a few bitter enemies.

I�ve been back in Orlando, now, for almost a month.

So much has happened, I just can�t even begin to explain.

Well, for starters, I�ve turned 21 years old. Not that it�s a *huge* difference from anything from before, but at least I don�t have to lie or wait to see if the server is going to card me or not.

I�ve grown a bit. I�ve realized exactly how alone I am in my path and what I need to do to get myself where I want to be.

I�ve gotten myself into more debt. I know... as if that were possible... but I have gone and max-ed out another credit card.

I�ve been working like a dog. I�ve been working six days a week, usually with two or three double shifts in there.

I�m off my anti-depressants. With all of the running and working, I haven�t taken the time to sit down to attempt to find a medical professional in order to prescribe me more pills, nor have I found a therapist to help me continue to delve into my world of issues.

I�ve been losing touch. Not only with the loved ones from school, but also the people whom I have grown to know and love in Florida. I�m not sure really why this is the case. Perhaps it�s because I�m not mentally or physically ready to be off my drugs, yet. Maybe it�s because I�m beginning to realize that while I do have a lot in common with the people I�m with, the fact that my hopes, dreams, fears, trials and tribulations are so different that I almost don�t want to claim myself as part of this world.

Maybe I�m losing touch with reality. Working in the vacation capital of the free world is a bit disconcerting. The rules of the world don�t really apply within our World. Have I been away from reality for too long? Have I become so focused on making this world of make believe so real and life-like for those around me that I have totally lost sight of what it�s like outside of the fantasy?

Maybe I�m losing touch with who I am. I constantly go back and forth on exactly what I want to do with my life and where I want to go after I�ve earned my diploma. I just don�t know, anymore. Sometimes, I think that I still want to go into the world of hotels to run the show... but other times, I wonder what it would be like to just work hourly entertainment for Disney forever. But I don�t want to do that. I�ve put too much time, money and effort into my education to let myself do that. Aside from the career path, I guess I�m beginning to struggle a bit with exactly who I am. I mean, I know that I have a strong personality, but more and more recently, I�ve been wondering exactly what that personality is. Am I really this fun-loving sarcastic bitch that you have to talk to and get to know before seeing the strength and pain? Or am I just a bitterly sarcastic bitch, jaded by the life I�ve been forced to deal with for the last twenty-one years?

And now, just like I�ve been having to do for the last month, I can�t finish my thoughts...

Why?

Well, because I have to run off to do something, of course.

For the past month, I haven�t had a minute to myself. The only times I�ve been at home have been to sleep and shower. If I haven�t been working, I�ve been playing and catching up with old friends and making new ones.

And, yet again, off I run.

I apologize for not making more of an effort to post entries... although... I�m not really sure exactly who I am apologizing to. I think that I started writing this as an outlet for all of my issues... and over the last month, I�ve had a lot to bottle up and shove away to deal with during a moment of down time... which, literally, over the last month, has been only the last twenty minutes that I�ve spent sitting alone in front of my computer.

So... I guess I�m apologizing to myself for not keeping up. To the few of you who have actually taken a moment to bookmark and look up my page and to the few lost souls attempting to find something entertaining to read, I apologize to y�all, as well.

And I promise, not to anyone other than myself, that I will not let another month pass before writing again.

later, kids...

~robert