A Bang, A Scrape and a Raging Ouch

I�ve come to the conclusion that it�s easier to pull the martini glass away from Liza Manelli than it is to get to know a boy in Orlando.

Getting to know a boy in Orlando is harder than trying to get a pit bull off of a rack of lamb after a week of starvation.

Ugh.

I mean... I know that I�m cute. Not hot. Not ugly. But I�m cute. And, as experience with alcohol has shown, I�m way cute after seven Long Island Iced Teas or a case of Bud Light.

So... for whatever reason, the boys swoon after a few drinks. I�m fine with that. Boys, no matter whether they�re attracted to boys, girls or small fury animals, are horny and willing to give up everything... especially after drinks.

And while I will admit, I can (although infrequently, believe it or not) get as horny as the next, I refuse to jump into bed with the first boy I see who isn�t attached to another boy in the corner. I mean, at one point I was, but those days are long gone. Every gay boi or another tends to go through the �slut phase� at one point during/after the coming out process.

I don�t go out to bars and clubs to scope on other guys. Don�t get me wrong, my head sure does turn when I see a hot guy walk by... and I will smile and do some mild flirting... but that�s the extent of my antics.

So, I have to resort to meeting guys through work and my friends. Sometimes it works.

Ok. That�s a lie.

It doesn�t work.

Take this one boy, for instance. We�ll call him Jake.

And let me just pre-cursor this by saying that this is, in fact, one of the only times y�all will hear me talk about my relationship realm...

Miss Kim introduced me to Jake as a co-worker. Jake is really cute, great smile and has a really cute accent. The first time I met him, I didn�t think he wanted anything to do with me. We met briefly and then he spent the rest of the night talking with other people. He didn�t look at me twice, so I didn�t bother to waste my time or energy.

However, the next time we met, Jake was all about me. The innocent flirting at first turned into playful touching. As the evening went on and the massive amounts of alcohol flowed, the playfulness turned into a bit of lust. I�m not really sure exactly how it all happened, but we ended up making out on the patio before I walked him home.

When we got to his door, I knew that going in would be bad. But, after four Long Islands, six beers and a full bottle of wine, I didn�t seem to care, that much. As the heavy petting session commenced, I knew what was coming... he pulled out the condoms.

Now, at this point, the majority of men � straight, gay, bisexual, trisexual... whatever � would be tearing off the wrapper and getting to it. I, however, am not like that.

�Jake,� I said. �I�m not like that. I�ve known you for a grand total of three days. I�m not that kind of guy.�

�Wow,� Jake replied in astonishment, stopping all petting to ponder the situation. �I have so much respect for that. That totally just bumped you up to, like, here.� He made a motion with his hand stretched towards the ceiling.

At that point, the petting tapered off and we fell asleep with him spooned in my arms.

As I lay there in his bed, I thought to myself... �Maybe I finally found a guy that I might actually be able to be with.�

We talked on the phone a few times after that... not about anything in particular, but it was nice to just talk, as we hadn�t really had a chance to beforehand.

A couple days later, he came down with the flu. As a nice gesture, after work, I stopped off at the store and brought him a couple jars of chicken noodle soup, a box of saltines and an assortment of cold and flu medications. I sat with him on his couch for a few hours and rubbed his back and head as we watched TV.

After that evening, he stopped calling. I called a few times to check on his condition, but he never returned the calls.

As a side note, I have a phone call rule. I will call a person three times and leave a message each time. The phone calls are place within a five to seven day period. After I leave the third phone message, I never call, again. My philosophy is that if you want to talk to me, you will call me. After about a week of un-returned calls, I delete the phone number. I have neither the time nor the energy to sit around and wait for calls and hope that my phone will ring.

But, I digress.

So, I had left my third message and today I was literally about to delete the number from all records, when I received a phone call. Jake called to talk about random stuff... and I�ll admit that I was genuinely surprised.

Tonight, after an interesting night of drinking at Pleasure Island, I was eating at Perkins with a random group of people, and Jake calls.

�Hey, I�ve got a bunch of people over and I really want you to stop by.�

So... I eventually did.

And, as the early morning progressed, he got drunker and drunker. As the group at his apartment began to thin out, he got friendlier and friendlier towards me. Suddenly, he was kissing me. The alcohol on our tongues met and while I was getting into it, my mind couldn�t help racing.

I understand that my friends are busy people. I understand that sometimes I will go days without hearing from them, but I know there are reasons. We share a love for each other and I know that whenever I talk to them or are around them.

With boys, however, it�s a different story. I mean, I guess it�s just a feeling that I get. I mean, if you�re supposedly interested in me, you�re going to want to be around me. But when you call just because you�re bored or horny or you�re calling me because all of your other options have failed, I�m not going to be a part of the game.

I started to push him away, which, of course, stupid me, made him more aggressive and interested.

And then, I realized... this boy only ever shows interest in me when he�s trashed. The first night we met, it was three beers before he even bothered to glance at me and was only introduced himself after I approached him. The next time we saw each other, it took about six drinks and only two other gay boys in the room to get him to talk to me. Tonight, there were three, including Jake and myself.

I guess I just refuse to be the �sure thing� or the challenge to get into bed.

And I sure as fuck refuse to be the boy who�s only good enough after five drinks.

I decided to see if maybe this was just all a bunch of crap going on in my head or if I was really correct in my assumptions.

I suddenly stopped and said... �So... Jake... when do I get to take you out to dinner.� Although, I realized as the phrase was coming out of my mouth, I never should have said it.

As a side note, classically, whenever I ask a boy out to dinner, it is the last time he speaks to me. I.e. Cody, Jeremy, Ryan, Dusty, Paul, Mike, Other Mike, Alex, Ben... the list goes on and on. I don�t know exactly why this phenominon is. I simply ask if I could take them out to dinner. The response is always the same, �I would love that... anytime.� And then my fucking phone goes silent. Never to be heard from, again.

What the fuck is that shit?! Is dinner really that frightening a request? Am I that intimidating, or is it that after a little bit of reflection that the boy would rather fucking chew his arm off or eat a woman out than have to sit through a free dinner with me?! Do I really seem that bad... or does it scream that it�s going to be harder to get me into bed than a wink and a nudge? I just don�t get it.

But, once again, I digress.

This time, however, the answer kinda shocked me. I asked to take him out to dinner and he said, �Uh... I dunno.� He had a bizarre look in his eyes.

About thirty seconds later he told me that I should leave.

Well fucking excuse me for wanting to take the opportunity to get to know you better!

But, the next time I want a quick fuck, I�ll be sure that I have your phone number written down, somewhere.

This is why I�m considering doing something special for Lent, this year... more to come on that at a later date.

So, tonight was my last night in puppet for Tapestry.

*sniff sniff*

I really am sad about it.

I was actually standing backstage talking to a fellow performer about it, tonight.

I mean, as much as I complain about it, I love it. In fact, I would say that I love to complain about it.

Tapestry performers complain about our jobs in the parade than any other group of performers on property.

It�s physical.

It�s a pain in the ass.

And if you�ve ever been in a Tapestry puppet, you know that it�s a physical pain in the ass.

So, tonight I was in Discman. (If you click on the link, it�s the second puppet from the left � the tall one with the funny hair. If you don�t know what Disc looks like, you need to so you can fully appreciate the story and what I went through.)

Now, I used to hate Disc with a burning passion. It is arguably the heaviest puppet in Tapestry and is by far one of the most challenging to animate well. When I first started the parade, I hated it simply because it was heavy and awkward and I just didn�t know how to work it well. As time went on, however, I gained an appreciation for it and now I love it.

Well, I haven�t been in puppet in over two weeks. Never mind a light, easy puppet... none at all. When I�ve been doing Tap in the past couple weeks, I�ve been in Cosmo (The silver guy on the right... and yes, that is actually a picture of me on the internet. I�m such a whore...) So, strapping on the heaviest puppet in the parade was quite a daunting task.

But, the first parade, I went out there and ran around and jumped and played with guests and other puppets like the rock star that I can be.

And holy crap, did it kick my ass.

So, the second parade, I was getting a little teary eyed as I walked out of the Germany gate for the last time in a puppet. Luckily, I thought, a light rain has started to fall, so my tears would easily be seen as sweat or raindrops.

Tragic foreshadowing.

I was running around and playing and having all sorts of fun. All along the first part of the parade route, I was seeing tons of people that I knew. Most were fellow performers, taking in one of the last nights of the parade, and I stopped and bowed to them. As I ran through Italy, trying to catch up to my position for the big show stop in the middle point of the parade, I saw my friends Beth, Bobby and Kristin standing to the side. They cheered and snapped a picture as I continued down route. On the opposite side of parade route, just a bit further down, I saw my friend Dalys standing and smiling.

So, I get to the big show stop and my eyes are starting to water. I turn around to dance with my partner, as the choreography goes, and then I turn to do my final lone �Walt Section� dance by myself. As I raised my puppet�s arms into the air for the final time, tears were starting to form as the light drizzle had turned into a light, steady rain.

Now, whenever I�m in Disc or Hammer, after the �Walt Section,� I always let out a big burst of energy and I weave my way in and out of the puppets behind me, all the way back to the last puppet in my unit.

I started skipping.

Left leg, right leg.

I got around the first puppet.

My skipping was gaining speed, but I slowed down just a little bit because I had less traction due to the rain on the promenade.

Left leg, right leg, left leg, right leg.

I passed the second puppet.

Left leg, right leg, left leg...

As I went to lift my right leg, again, the leg of the puppet got caught on the rod that is attached to the puppet�s arm.

My right leg went up... but it wouldn�t come back down.

I started to fall.

Normally, I can get myself out of this prediciment. I can hop on my left foot ahead of me to counteract the inability to move my right and I can correct it.

It was just too slick.

My right knee hit the pavement.

Hard.

I looked up and around to make sure I wasn�t going to hit a guest.

As I saw the twenty feet of puppet normally above me falling down onto the promenade, I knew it was going to be bad.

�No one ever gets up in Disc,� I thought to myself.

I heard a loud gasp from the crowd.

I heard the head of the puppet hit the ground.

At this point, my right hand and my right knee were on the ground. At this point, I�m still not sure exactly what happened to my left leg, but my left hand was clutching the left control rod, as I had no time to think about what was going on.

I saw Beth, running at full speed towards me.

My face was hot.

So was my knee.

And I still have no idea exactly how I did it, but I think I stuck my left leg in front of me and I took all of my muscle strength and pushed twenty feet and thirty plus pounds of puppet off of the ground and back right up into the air.

Almost as quickly as I had fallen, I was up, again.

And, in true diva style, I turned right back around and started skipping back up to the direction from which I came.

I continued on down route, smiling and lip syncing like nothing had ever happened.

Although, I did tone it down a bit, and I took it really easy going over the slickest part of the promenade in Japan.

But, I still finished out the parade with a big cheesy smile on my face.

When I got backstage and the puppet was finally taken off, I saw that I had come away from the whole incident with only a scraped knee and a torn pair of pants.

Well, that, and now my back hurts more than I can possibly portray to y�all.

*sigh*

But... it was my first fall... and I guess my last... in puppet onstage.

If you�re going to go out, you might as well go out with a bang, right?

Well... a bang, a scrape and a raging ouch.

So, if any of y�all are in the Disney area, Friday, February 28th, is my last night in Tapestry. I�ll be running around in silver spandex and stuff... so... come and send me off, kids... 

OH! By the way, if y�all want to receive an e-mail any time I update my diary, enter your email address in the little box on the left toolbar and follow the directions. That way you don�t have to guess whenever I update. That�s right, you get fun little emails from me every now and then!

Yay!

later, kids...

~robert