All I Have to Show is an Aged Liver...

So... the other day, I was talking to a friend with whom I haven�t spoken with in forever... well... not literally *forever*... but... close to it...

Anywho... he mentioned the fact that he was so excited when I was writing here and talking about my life and all of the funny and not-so-funny things going in it.

He told me that he felt like he was still a part of my life... even though only via this impersonal, electronic medium...

But, since I had stopped my rants and raves, he felt that I had disappeared off his radar...

*POOF*

I started to think...

I can remember the days when I really looked forward to running home from class and writing all about the things that had happened throughout my day.

Hell, I can even remember the days when I would actually jot down funny instances during my day that would provide for fun material for my site...

And then the summer came.

I soon became engrossed in my life in Florida and quickly forgot all about one of the joys in each day.

I feel that it really has to do with the fact that once again, for the first time in a few months, I was happy. Not as happy as I had once been with my life in the days that I can now hardly remember, but happy enough.

However, as quickly as I had been so happy to return to this fantasy world, the disenchantement set in, once again.

I quickly came to realize, once again, that I really didn�t enjoy being down here as much as I had led myself to believe when I was away in New York.

Once again, I tried to turn back to my joy of "JOURNALING"...

I have tried, multiple times, as the hard drive of my computer can attest, to write something of substance to post for the free world to enjoy... but I could never make it happen.

I tried to sum up two months of my life that had passed, in order to provide a background for the issue or the story that I wanted to discuss...

But... just as I thought that I was coming close to finishing something to post, something happened. Sometimes, it was that the problem which I wanted to discuss had subsided... or something else happened that made me forget, momentarily, that I had a problem to begin with... or I had to get to work... or I had a drink... or I was going out with friends...

So... darkness set over the page...

So... here I sit... once again... attempting to sum up the life which has been flying past me for the last few months...

So... here I sit... once again... pondering where exactly to begin... where to finish... what is important... what isn�t...

But... once again... I come back to think of why I started all of this in the first place...

I started off writing because I needed an avenue with which to deal with my issues and problems...

As time passed, I was writing to share with the world all of my feelings and events on the things that happened in my life.

And I was proud.

No.

I *am* proud of the things that I have written and done on this site.

Granted, it�s not the prettiest thing in the world...

But...

Dammit.

It�s mine.

I did this. I made this. I taught myself basic code and I threw this all together.

So... now I continue to think about what I want to say with all of you.

I guess I can answer to all of you with the answer that I shared with my long, lost friend.

"I'm Okish. It�s the same old shit... just a different day in a different location."

Looking back, I know that so much has happened... but... at the same time... nothing has really happened.

Of course, there has been family drama... and money drama... and friend drama... and boi drama... and work drama...

But... really... I�m still at the same point.

Even though I�m now fully character trained and I�ve been trained in other parades, I�m still working at Epcot doing Tapestry in full-body spandex five days a week.

Even though a bunch of drama has occurred in my family, my father and mother are still distant and rarely contact me.

Money is still really shitty.

Friends have come and gone and come back, again.

Bois have come and gone... and I still fear talking about the current one, as I don�t want to jinx anything.

So many events have happened... yet... somehow... little has really changed around me.

I want to say that I�ve grown and built myself up over the past few months... but... I really wonder how much of that is true.

I�ve grown up a bit...

I�ve grown a little wiser...

I�ve grown a little older...

And now that I�m 21, I have *definitely* aged my liver.

later, kids...

~robert