Only At Cornell...

So... I�m walking to class this morning... 5 minutes late, of course... and I see this guy standing on the sidewalk, next to the bank in College Town.

Now, he�s kinda cute... he�s got a really nice black North Face fleece jacket on. He also is a pair of really cute jeans and some nice shoes. He also is sporting a nice, new looking, North Face backpack.

As I approach him, I make eye contact and smile...

Ah... my Disney brainwashing has taught me well...

But... I digress...

Anywho... as I get closer, he smiles and he starts to speak to me...

Automatically, I�m in awe. This cute preppy boy is talking to me!

Maybe he wants a cigarette.

Maybe he wants to ask me out.

Maybe he wants to be my sugar daddy.

"Hey, dude..."

Yeah... he�s straight.

I bet he wants a cigarette.

"Do you have a dollar?"

WHAT?!

"I�m sorry, I don�t carry cash," I respond.

Ok. Well... that�s a lie... but really... come on, now...

If you�re wearing designer jeans and all North Face gear... why the fuck are you wanting a dollar from me?!?!

Come on... really... you have enough money...

Or maybe... maybe you stole everything you�re wearing...

But, really... if you�re a thief... then why in the gay hell are you asking *me* for money?!

*shaking head*

Only at Cornell...

I was a hungry bitch, earlier.

I had made it (about 10 minutes late) to my 8:40 Finance lecture... and then I attended my 10:10 and my 11:40... then I went to a meeting at 1pm.

By the time my meeting was over, I had realized that all I had consumed up to that point was 3 cigarettes and a Ricola cough drop.

I mean... I know that�s more than some kids in Somolia eat in a week... but... really... I�m an overweight American. I need more than that.

So... I decide to go to the Ivy Room in order to get a Grilled Cheese and Tomato Sandwich... which are soooooooo good, by the way...

Anywho... I�m standing in line at the grill, waiting to place my order... and the guy in front of me orders...

"Yeah... can I get a Veggie Cheeseburger with Bacon?"

*blink*

Let�s think about this, shall we?

Veggie Burger + Cheese + Bacon = one confused as hell kid.

That�s like saying... "I don�t want egg on my salad... but I want an extra side of your thickest buttermilk ranch... I�m trying to watch my weight, you know..."

Or... "He's not gay... he's in a fraternity..."

Or... "Hey... I don�t like cock... but I�m sleeping with a drag queen."

*shaking head*

Only at Cornell...

And my final story of the day... I�m walking out of the Ivy Room with my food, all set to take home... and those damned sororities and fraternities are at it, again...

See, at Cornell, this is the time of the year when all of the little frats and sorostitutes sell their bodies... oh wait... they do that year round...

Flowers. That�s right... they sell daffodils (I think they are... they�re yellow, cheap and ugly)... all in the name of fighting cancer.

Now... at the peak times of the day, these kids are *everywhere*...

You can�t walk fifteen feet on campus without being harassed to "buy a flower to help fight cancer..."

So... out of Ivy I walk... and selling flowers is this frat guy whom I can not stand...

This kid frequently makes comments about "that fag" and such... so... really... I�m not his biggest fan...

Anyhow... he approaches me... "hey, dude... buy a flower to help cancer..."

I stop.

I turn.

I look at him.

"First of all... *DON�T* talk to me. I don�t like you. I�m not deaf. I can hear the names that you call me. I wouldn�t buy a flower from you if it was the only way that I could save my life."

His jaw drops.

"Second of all... can you see the fact that I�m smoking a cigarette?"

I blow a puff of smoke in his face.

"If I *really* wanted to fight cancer... I�d start by quitting smoking... *not* by giving you and your frat a dollar to dick around with and eventually use to buy beer."

I turn.

I begin walking, again.

Only at Cornell...

So... sorry I�ve been neglecting my diary so much... it�s just been a hell week... I�ve had two big exams and my management night for Satan�s Kitchen... so... I�ve been a busy bitch... but... don�t fret... I have a lot of stories from the past week to share...

But as for right now... it�s time to drink.

A lot.

And to anyone who got a drunken phone call from me on Monday night/early Tuesday morning... you might expect a call later this evening...

later, kids...

~robert