'O Canada... Can Finally Quit Bitching

Finally, the controversy is over.

Finally, the Canadians can quit their bitching.

So... i'm not sure if you've been watching the Olympics or not... but... unless you've been living under a rock (or trapped in the middle of nowhere without cable...), you have to have heard about the big upset of the Russians winning the gold over the Canadians... there have been allegations of colluding judges and deal making... and a lot of whining from the Canadian Officials...

Countless stories about how perfect the Canadians� program was... and how the little Russians messed up a couple steps. And really... if I have to listen to one more interview of Scott Hamilton on NBC talking about it all, I�m going to vomit. So... I know that people (mostly the straight ones) feel that I should be loyal and love Scott Hamilton, purely based on the fact that us gay bois have to stick together... but... really... it�s every gay man for himself... and Scott Hamilton is just a whiny bitch... and he knows so goddamned much, why the hell isn�t *he* a judge??? And who the hell is his little sidekick, anyhow? Y�all aren�t Gods. Shut up and let me listen to the music of the skaters...

Anyhow... the media have treated this as if it were a scandal! When every news program leads with the a �scandal� of people crying because they got edged out in figure skating... you know there�s a problem... Doesn�t our country have bigger issues to deal with? People... this was no scandal... Sure, you�ve got a corruption and politics coming into play... but... it�s not a true scandal...

Now, Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding... *there* was a scandal. You had jealousy and greed and money and crowbars and crying... and everyone was waiting for a catfight when they practiced on the ice for the first time.

Come on... this story was like a high-class Jerry Springer episode... I have to admit, even back in 1994, when the whole catfight broke out, I was fascinated. I was twelve. But, I have to admit, I was mildly annoyed by the Kerrigan/Harding saga, too... but not in the same way the Canadian story is annoying me. Mostly, I wanted to scratch my ears out every time I heard the tape of Kerrigan screaming... �WHY ME??? WHY ME???� I just wanted to be all... �Look, bitch. You�re fucking whiny and when you fell out of the ugly tree, you hit about half of the branches on the way down. THAT is �why you.�� Not that Tonya was any prize, herself... not to mention the fact she was just a horrific skater... but I was continually amused by stories about her sketchy henchmen and the trash heap from whence she crawled.

Every night when the news came on and they led with the Kerrigan/Harding story, you at least knew that you were going to be entertained. Every night, there was something new to hear, be it how Nancy�s knee is recovering or another link in the trail to Princess Harding�s evil plot. But with this damned story... it�s been about grievances to the board and press conferences about procedure. Boooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiing!

Does it suck that maybe there was some funny business among the judges? Yes.

But basically... this is the way I see it. Unfortunately for the Canadians, the Russians have better friends in higher places. You wanna win a gold medal? Well then, much like the real world, it�s about who you know and how well you blow. Maybe if the damned Canadians were more about whining, dining and 69-ing the judges than about switching between English and French in the same sentence and saying �eh� after ever sentence, they would never have been in this predicament to begin with.

So... should the Olympic Committee given them a gold medal, eh?

Why not, eh?

But in the end, it doesn�t really matter.

What does matter is that the Canadians are finally done whining about it.

So, kids... what should you take away from this situation...?

- Canadians whine. A lot.

- Scott Hamilton is a bitter ugly gay man who should never be given a microphone, again.

- Scott Hamilton�s big, fat sidekick is a moron.

- If you ever run a news station, Olympic judging scandals are not more important than forest fires 10 miles from your town or the fact that Hell is freezing over and temperatures are dropping 30 degrees overnight.

- If you want to win a gold medal, start schmoozing and make friends with the judges.

And finally... the most important thing to take away...

It�s not a scandal unless it can be made into an �Original� Lifetime Movie.

Later, kids...

~robert