Coming Out... Too Bad I'm Flaccid

NBC is pissing me off.

So... at the end of each of their broadcasts well... and sometimes in the middle, when they need to fill time and are sick of hearing Bob Costas ramble on about the hardships the Bulgarian speed skater who was attacked by a herd of migrant sheep... or whatever he talks about...

Right-o. Welcome back to the point.

So at the end of each of their Olympic broadcasts, they show a little snipit of footage of exciting stuff that happened throughout the day. Now, maybe I�m just an over emotional sap... but... I really love that little segment. And really, NBC has found some of the *best* music to accompany the segments.

Too fucking bad the pieces of music are wicked obscure and it�s taking me forever to find them online.

Take �Another Perfect Day� by American Hi-Fi, for instance. Ok... so... I�ll admit that I live under a rock when it comes to music. I never listen to the radio while I�m at home... and since I broke my retractable antenna off my baby Buick in an unfortunate garage door accident about 3 years ago, I only get limited radio service in the car. While home in Orlando, it�s lots �o XL106.7... and when I�m in Ithaca... it�s my CD player or the mp3 player... But... how many of you mainstream kids have heard that song before? Or heard of American Hi-Fi?

So... if anyone from the NBC network is reading this... may I just say... god bless you for giving this and other wonderful songs air time... but... really... here�s my proposition...

Make that segment like MTV. Play the whole song. In the corner, put up the name of the band, the name of the album and the name of the song... you don�t really need the other shit.

Stuff like that would make a lot of people happy...

Now, all you need to do is take Scott Hamilton and stuff his microphone down his throat and wire his jaw shut.

Living with straight boys.

It�s an adventure.

So... I haven�t had the best experience with roommates...

Take freshman year for example... when we spoke on the phone the summer before I started at Cornell, he told me that his name �when written is Geoffrey. When spoken, it can be Geoff.� Riiiiiiiiiight. I told him that I was going to be bringing an iron. He told me that no one cared what you looked like in college. Riiiiiiiiight. Then, a week later, he wrote me an email telling me that he had his mother bought him a brand new iron, since he didn�t �know the condition of [my] belongings. They might be dilapidated and [I] might not be able to use them.� Riiiiiiiiiight. This roommate was a computer science major. So... really... we didn�t get along so well... But... the two of us stuck it out for the entire year.

After the unfortunate incident involving the viewing of a porno my father had sent with me to college (its really a funny story... one for another time...), everyone who lived on my floor was confronted with the ugly fact that Geoff was not, in fact, asexual... but very heterosexual. This was verified by the various comments made during the viewing of �Oral Cum Shots: Volume 4,� when Geoff made the comment that there weren�t enough chicks in the movie and there were too many guys in it. After pointing out the premise of the flick was guys jacking off on the faces of females, we eventually saw a big breast on the screen. Someone in the room commented, �there�s a breast, Geoff... are you happy, now?� His response, �Well, I�m still flaccid, if that�s what you�re talking about.� Riiiiiiiiight.

I came out to Geoff around Thanksgiving. By this time, I had come a long way from the summer before. I hadn�t come out to even myself until the end of July, long after I had started seeing Franklin, my first... pseudo-boyfriend (which I think is the most appropriate term I can come up with). It took me about a month longer to tell my two best friends, even though they already knew that Franklin (lol.... random side note... I just mistyped his name... as Frankloin. Sometimes, I do some really funny shit... haha)... anywho, Franklin... my friends all knew that we were more than friends. So... by the time I got to school, I was comfortable enough with the fact that I could say I had had a boyfriend... but wasn�t comfortable enough to say that I was totally gay... I was in Bi-LimboLand... but... by the time I went to Florida for Fall Break and saw Frankloin (haha) and had hooked up with a couple random boys, I was comfortable enough to say that I was a *flaming* homosexual.

So... I told *everyone* on the floor of my status. They all had known that I was �bi� since the first week of classes and then they, after hearing stories of my fall break, were ok with the fact that I had now labeled myself gay. I didn�t tell Geoff shit about my sexuality until Thanksgiving. It wasn�t because I was concerned about a sticky situation with a straight roommate, it was because we weren�t friends... and this was something I felt that only my friends needed to know.

So... when I came out to Geoff, we were actually speaking and on semi-decent terms... and I told him the story of my summer... how I had dated Paula from Main Street... and then she turned psycho on me... and how I had a crush on a girl named Erin... and been presented with a guy named Aaron... and how I dated Franklin...

He was in disbelief. He thought I was going to laugh and tell him it was a joke... he laughed nervously, waiting for me to bust out. When I didn�t, the disbelief turned to panic.

�Who else knows?�

�Everyone, Geoff.� After going through a list of everyone on the floor...

�What about Paul?�

�Yeah... he was actually one of the first people I told.�

�Paul! You told Paul?! You don�t even LIKE Paul!� Hint, hint, Geoff. And really, it wasn�t that I didn�t like Paul... his personality was just too much for me... I could handle him in small doses... but... I digress... �I can�t believe you told everyone except the one person it *actually* matters to.�

I could see where this was going. �What are you talking about, Geoff? How does it matter to *you*?� I decided to take it and run.

�Um... well... you know.� I could tell what his true concern was... but it was more fun watching him sweat. �What if I were to walk in on you with a guy???� He thought he had me.

�What if you walked in on me with a girl? It would just be akward... and we�d deal.� I could tell that wasn�t the concern.

�Dude. I mean... I change right over there.� Now, we were getting to the heart of the issue.

Oh... so many different ways to go with this one. �I know, Geoff. And I�ve never looked at you. I never will look at you. I�m not attracted to you in any way, shape or form.� Now... the rest of the convo gets fuzzy... but... that was the meat of it...

So... it took a while to adjust... but... Geoff used to make all sorts of stupid comments about being gay... not to mention other stupid shit... like... telling two girls that he�d never learn their names because he couldn�t tell the difference between them. Sure... they were both of west-asian descent, but one was tall and thin... the other was short and... not as thin.... not that she was fat... but... that�s not the point. Just... everything that came out of his mouth was... just... asinine and totally absurd.

Ah... and to think... Geoff, the intollerant bigot troll that he is... is now an RA... for an all freshman dorm. God bless those poor youths.

*thinking*

Right-o. This entry was meant to be about living with straight boys and them having sex with their girlfriends... and about them leaving the kitchen and bathroom all raunchy... and the fact they drink beer and play video games... and all of the trials and tribulations of that... and then about my hot roommate Jarrod and the gayest apartment Disney had ever seen... But... oddly enough... it took a different turn.

I promise... when I get more time, I�ll be all about writing about the others... becuase the fact that our mattresses suck and creek *a lot* was soooo amusing last night... but... I have a short attention span and I'm short on time...

On the agenda today... group meeting, contemplate paper which is due at 1:25 tomorrow... then possibly going to visit James in Syracuse... then coming back and possibly writing the paper which is due tomorrow...

Ahhhhh... procrastination...

Later, kids...

~robert