Cows, Ghosts & Lobsters

It�s fucking hot in Upstate New York.

"But Robert... you�re used to the heat *and* humidity of Florida... what do you mean it�s hot?"

Right.

So... I was thinking about that... and then it dawned on me.

You see... in Florida... it *is* hot... and it *is* humid... but... the difference between Central Florida and Upstate New York is...

Air Conditioning.

Ok. So... it�s not that Upstate New York doesn�t believe in it... but... it�s not really a widespread commodity.

My apartment... it has windows... but... it has no a/c.

If I were in Florida, I would have the a/c turned up so high right now, I would be able to cut through the Hope Diamond with my nipples.

But... as I am in Upstate New York... I�m sweating more than one of Richard Simmons� workout cows in Sweatin� To The Oldies...

Ugh.

Speaking of Florida... I�m on my way back to Orlando in just a few hours...

Praise the lord!

I�m going to auditions and working... I�ll be gone Wednesday through Monday...

How excited am I?

I think I just really do hate Ithaca *that much*...

Anywho... as such... I'll probably be worse at updating than I have in the past week...

Sorry... but... my life takes priority over your amusement, kiddies...

Hrmm...

Ok... So... maybe that sounded good in my head.

Or not.

Right-o.

Moving on...

So... as I�m running behind schedule, I have to keep this short...

But... I would like to say that it�s not going to be as short as some of the female shorts I�ve seen in the past few days.

So... it�s been rather nice, up here... and as such, everyone is hastily pitching the wool sweaters into the closet and summoning the summer wardrobe...

And yes... it *is* the summer wardrobe... evidently, spring doesn�t exist here... who knew?

Anywho... I have to say that someone needs to write a memo to the fashion industry...

Now... woman�s shorts have become a major problem in the past few summer seasons...

For both men and women, the inseam for summer shorts has slowly been wasting way... much like Calista Flockhart on her ex-lax diet...

I mean... I�m sorry to be cruel... but... shorts with a two-inch inseam should *not*... I repeat... should *not* be made in a size 14 for women.

I mean... far be it from me to actually set the size that we will use to set the size which we will not allow the short inseams to be made... but... it needs to be done.

I saw this girl the other morning... she was big. And... that�s.... ok... unless you�re wearing a neon green halter top that�s two sizes too small for you and a pair of *white* (yes... the *non*- slimming color) shorts with a two inch inseam... which was *not* big enough to contain the ass which decided it needed to see the world from beneath the shorts...

I mean... it would have been ok had she been confident about it and carried herself well... but... she shuffled her feet and walked with her shoulders hunched in...

So... if you feel like you can pull these types of outfits off... then do it... but... at least show that you have some confidence...

And for the love of god...

Cover that ass.

So... with sun... comes pale skin.

Today... when I was on my way back from class, I felt like I was back in Florida... at the theme parks... during peak British tourist season.

For those of you who don�t know anything about the Brits... let me just tell you that they are the *best* guests... I mean... they�re so polite... they thank you fifteen times for taking $2.50 for a bottle of Coke...

While they�re incredibly polite and sweet... they hurt the eyes.

You see... the sun doesn�t really shine in Great Britain... and as such... they�re incredibly... well... pale.

Which is kinda hard on the eyes... especially considering the fact that the men seem to wear the two-inch inseamed shorts even more than the women do...

But... it�s also kinda funny... when on day two of their vacations... they�re red.

We�re talking steamed lobsters, here.

Sun burns can be a bitch... much like one gentleman discovered today...

Well... today, as I was walking back from class, there was this kid in front of me... since it was so hot, he had his shirt off... and evidently, he had been walking around like that for a while...

But... the thing is... he was also carrying his backpack... on his naked back.

Now... from where I was walking behind him, I could tell that his pale skin was horribly red...

And when he stopped at Collegetown Bagels to talk to some friends, I saw how fried his face was, too...

Well... as I was walking past him, he took the back pack off of his shoulders...

And the places that had been covered by the backpack... were as white as Micheal Jackson�s face... and we�re talking his skin color now... not from the times of Thriller and such...

His back was a pale white... as were the tops of his shoulders... and a thick white line run down his torso... as did a line where he had snapped his backpack in front of him... which was a beautiful contrast to the rose red which had overtaken the rest of his upper body.

So... the next time you hear a woman complaining about a swimsuit tan... just remind her...

It could always be worse...

later, kids...

~robert