"I Feel Pretty... and Witty... and..."

How queer do I feel, today?

So... I was having an argument with one of my friends, earlier...

It is my contention that while it's pretty obvious that I�m gay... I�m not all *that* flamey...

His contention is that I�m a big flaming queer... and that I might as well go ahead and tattoo a rainbow flag on my forehead, just so that it would be "apparent to the backwoods hicks who might not be 100% convinced."

Right.

I know that I can definitely flame out. That�s not the dispute... but... I really don�t think that I�m that bad off...

Until I got into the elevator, earlier this evening, that is.

So... I get into the elevator... and this girl is already in there.

Which is funny, since I live on the top floor.

But, hey... not everyone is smart here... I mean... it�s not like I go to an Ivy League school, or anything... wait a minute...

Anywho... I digress...

So... the girl looks at me... and smiles. She then checks me out and smiles, again.

I�m standing in the elevator, pretty scrubby looking. I have on an Abercrombie hat, a well worn Gap zip-up hoodie, a pair of worn jeans, a gray t-shirt and a white puka-type necklace.

And I can tell she�s about to say something at me...

...until she looks at the items in my hands.

In my hands... I am holding a Diet Pepsi.

Ok. That�s not a horrid offense.

I�m also holding a pack of cigarettes.

Also not particularly a gay indicator.

Right. I also have a lighter.

A lighter doesn�t mean a person is gay.

Oh, yeah... the lighter is purple.

But I�m not the one that bought it... I swear! In fact... I don�t even remember how I gained possession of it...

Right-o.

I also have a book.

Not an indicator...

...until you take into account that the title of the book is...

girl talk

Hrmm...

Ok. So I read girly books?!

Is that a crime?!?!

I admit that I read and *loved* Bridget Jones� Diary and the sequel, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason.

But... I guess that I have to admit that perhaps, I am not as... well... seemingly butch as I might have once thought.

*sigh*

But at least I�m not Richard Simmons!

How happy am I that it�s finally sorta warming up in the depths of Hell that so many others lovingly refer to as Upstate New York?!

And... the most exciting part of it all???

I wore my sandals, today!!!

WHOO HOO!

So... today was a "mental health day"... in other words... I just didn�t feel like going to classes.

Oops.

So, instead, I stole Rachel and we went to McDonald�s... and then we went to the mall.

Well... it�s a "mall." Not a *real* mall... but a pseudo mall... I mean... it has a couple actual stores... such as a Gap... but... still...

I do have to admit, however, that I�m excited that the Pyramid Mall is looking up, as they�ve just opened a Best Buy... and they�re currently constructing an Abercrombie and a Borders...

And I swear... I�m going to tie this all together in about seven lines.

Anywho... back to my sandals. I love them. A lot. I have three pair of the same exact style of sandals... they're simple Quicksilvers... and they�re in different colors so that I can coordinate them with my outfits...

OMG... I *am* a big flaming queer... *sigh*

Anywho... my sandals are a bit worn. They didn�t really have any treads or traction to begin with... and now... they�re really bad.

So... I�m walking through the Gap. And... if any of you recall... the Gap is generally floored with a slick wooden floor.

Slick wooden floor + no traction = serious issues.

Right.

So... I almost busted my ass...

Three times.

Once... it was in front of this wicked cute, quite obviously gay, boi.

I felt like a big tool.

Right.

So... that was the first time that my sandals almost killed me, today...

So... it�s been a bit warmer, here... but it�s also been cloudy and rainy and icky.

I was walking around the back of my building, late this afternoon... and decided to take the little ramp down to the door.

Well... here I go, walking at regular speed down the ramp.

Down the concrete ramp...

Down the slick, wet, concrete ramp.

On the slick, wet, concrete ramp...

I fall...

Flat on my ass.

Ouch.

I quickly got up and looked around to see if anyone had noticed.

Thankfully... I think anyone saw... so... I saved the embarrassment of an audience...

Although... now that I�ve shared it all with you... instead of having total strangers that I�d probably never see again laughing at me...

...I have all of you to laugh at me.

Hrmm...

Maybe I should start thinking *before* I write these entries...

later, kids...

~robert