Busted!

So... when I first got my tongue ring... I wasn�t totally sure about it... it felt kinda awkward... pretty weird having a foreign object in my mouth at all times...

Over time, however, I�ve grown to love it... not just like it... but *love* it...

And... I haven�t had any complaints on it, either...

Now... Disney has some pretty strict appearance guidelines... including a ban on visible piercings for men... including tongue rings...

Not a huge problem, I thought to myself... I have a tiny clear ring that is hardly noticeable... and I use it whenever I don�t want the world to know that I have one... i.e. job interviews, class speeches, etc...

So... for the first few days... I had no problems with the tongue ring... I put the tiny clear one in... and no one every noticed it... and this was a pretty good trick, as I have a tendency to talk to everyone all the time... including managers...

So... all was well... until yesterday... when my clear one broke.

Actually, it snapped in half... or into thirds, I guess is a more proper description...

And relax... it was only in my pocket... *not* my mouth... thank goodness...

Not a problem... just go to the outlet mall and purchase a new one... and I found one... there were two in the package...

Now... there was another small clear one, identical to the one I had before... the only problem being, I am always really self conscious when I wear it. The bottom of the ring is a tiny rubber band... and I�m always really nervous that it�s going to fall out...

The other one has a metal bar in it and a pink half-sphere for a top. Having this one in felt a lot more... well... reliable... so... I didn�t worry about it popping out or snapping off, as the other one did...

So... that�s the one I wore yesterday for parade... no problems...

And it�s the one I wore for parade, again, today...

Right.

So... I�m joking around with a coordinator (as I often do), named Sunshine... and I�m telling her that my puppet was downed... and so I�m going to take a nap on the couch while they do the parade... and she starts making fun of me for something or other... and then...

Sunshine: Nice tongue ring.

Robert: Tongue ring...? I don�t have a tongue ring...

Sunshine: Mmmhmmm... now get out to your puppet before I take your little ID card and cut it in half...

Robert: Dude... no need to be so harsh...

But... as it turns out, Sunshine (her real name is Tracy... but... when she introduced herself to me, she said her name was Sunshine... so... that�s what I call her, now...)... well... she�s wicked cool... and she�s ok with you as long as you don�t cause trouble for her...

So... I�m thinking... Ok... I�m cool... Sunshine isn�t going to bust me... it�s all good...

Riiiiiiiight...

So... it�s a couple minutes before step-off... and I�m standing in my Marionette (read as: wicked heavy evil devil puppet from hell) and Amy Kesman (my favorite manager) walks by... and we start talking... and just as she�s about to turn around and walk away...

Amy: Is that a tongue ring in your mouth...?

Robert: (through clenched teeth) Tongue ring?

Amy: Robert...

Robert: (still clenched teeth) Now, why would I have a tongue ring, Amy?

Amy: Open your mouth... stick out your tongue... let me see...

Robert: (tightly clenched teeth) I don�t really want to, right now, Miss Amy...

Amy: Robert...

Robert: (even tighter clenched... with a big stupid grin) I love you, Amy... Don�t worry... there won�t be anything there on route... not that there is, or anything...

Amy: Mmmhmmm... I�ll be checking you at the gate...

Grrrrrrrrrrrr...

This is what I get for being friendly with my managers...

Anywho... just before I get up to the gate, I take the tongue ring out... now... I don�t know how much you kids know about tongues and all... but... they heal pretty quickly... and if you have the tongue ring out for too long, the hole just closes right up... so... I�m pretty nervous about taking it out, as the longest I�ve ever had it out was about 15 seconds while changing it out...

As I get to the gate, I stick out my tongue for Amy to inspect... she just nods ok... and out onto route I go...

So... I get to this crosswalk... tongue ring, still in hand... and this elderly gentleman just stands there... looking at my puppet...

Now... this is not an odd occurrence, mind you... I mean... if I had no idea what the fuck was going on... and I saw some dude with a 20-foot monstrosity on his back in fucked up MC Hammer pants, I�d stand and gawk, too... although... I�d like to think that I�d have a little more common sense than to stand in the middle of its path, as it�s coming barreling towards me...

So... I just stop... and let the man stare... and I think... this is the perfect opportunity to try to get the tongue ring back in so that it doesn�t close up...

Shoving it into my mouth, I somehow finagled it so that I got the bar through the hole... but screwing the ball back on was a little more of a challenge...

I mean... I can�t even get the damned thing to screw back on when I�m standing still in front of a mirror...

Yeah... not so much did that work out for me... so... after someone from crowd control with one of those lighted cattle prods (or whatever they are) ushered the man out of my path... it was time to continue on... as to not be run over by the puppeteer behind me...

So... I take the tongue ring totally out of my mouth... and as I�m squatting down to let some kids play with the mini-puppet in front of me, I take the opportunity to screw the ball back onto the bar... and I shove it down into my glove.

As soon as I got off parade route, I made a v-line for the bathroom... as I�m passing by Shannon... I�m all... Dude... I got busted... going to put the ring back in...

Shannon�s response... "Oooooooh."

So... I get into the bathroom, and I break out the little clear tongue ring and get it back in... luckily, it only took a few minutes to get it all back in and stuff... the hole didn�t close...

So... I got by the entire break without any further incident... and no follow up from Amy about it... not that I didn�t do my best to avoid her for the rest of the day...

As I was going out of the gate, I kept my back to Amy so that she wouldn�t try to inspect my tongue, or anything...

I mean... really... there isn�t a chance in hell that I�m going to take my tongue ring out and let it close up when I only have two more shifts left to work before returning to school...

So... thankfully... the rest of the evening went off without any incident...

And now... I just have to keep my fingers crossed that I don�t get pulled into the office to "talk" before I leave...

Praise the lord for statutes of limitations!

later, kids...

~robert