How *NOT* to Get Kneed in the Groin

I�m going to Florida, kids!

So... the time is finally near... spring break is almost here!

I leave on Thursday, now... I�m so excited!

So... I�m going to be working... and my schedule was a bit wacky... let�s just say that one of my shifts was the equivalent of trying to make Michael Jordan stand-in for an oompa loompa in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory...

But... we�ll get that all straightened out in due time...

Well... nothing is ever straight at Disney... so... we�ll get is sorted out...

I went to one of my four classes, today. That�s bad.

Sacrificing a class for sleep is sometimes acceptable... but... missing a class to see a movie... that's a little more iffy, I�d say...

Rachel and I decided that we needed to see 40 Days and 40 Nights... which was an interesting flick... if you haven�t seen it... I would advice that you wait �til it�s out on video... and then rent it with a large group of people... otherwise you might feel gypped...

Right... so... we get to the ghetto fabulous movie theater... and as we�re walking in the door... I realize that I had forgotten my little wallet, containing my Cornell ID and my license...

When we get to the counter, I can tell the woman is going to give us problems... as she is an older woman... and the supervisor...

She asks Rachel for her student ID... and I make a scene out of not having my ID...

�Well... I need an ID from you. Otherwise, I can�t sell you a ticket.�

Didn�t realize the movie was rated �R�.

Oops.

Now... I know that I couldn�t pass for, say, 30... and as such, I should be carded when I attempt to buy alcohol... but... really... I definitely look like I�m over 17... and for the love of god... it�s a rated �R� movie... not cigarettes or a rental car...

So... the woman just stands and looks at me... I tell her that I should have an ID out in my car... so... I just turn around and walk out...

Now, for some odd reason, I remember keeping my birth certificate in my glove compartment... I remember, at one point, there was definitely a reason behind this act... but that reason has long since been forgotten...

Too bad it wasn�t still there...

So... I search through my car for anything official containing my date of birth...

Almost ten minutes later, all I can come up with is a really old bill from Cornell and a mailing from the IRS with my old address at Cornell on it... I�m just ghetto like that, sometimes...

Anyhow... I walk in... and I�m all... �I have *nothing* in my car... except for an old bursar bill and a mailing from the IRS... see... it has my address at Cornell on it!�

The woman laughs at me... I mean... not that I can blame her...

�Well... I mean... I shouldn�t really do it... but... since you *did* search through your call and all...�

Damn skippy, bitch.

Let�s talk about one of my biggest pet peeves... phone calling.

If you tell me that you�re going to call... then fucking call me, dammit!

If I say that I�ll call you tomorrow... I *mean* that I will call you *tomorrow*... none of this... �tomorrow equals three days from now in boy time� bullshit...

Is it really that difficult...? If you tell me that you�re going to call me later, tonight... then... call me... later *tonight*...

I don�t know... maybe I�m just a hopeful, easily excited freak... but... when someone... regardless of who it is... man, woman or small furry animal... tells me he/she/it is going to call... I look forward to it... and I get excited about it... and for some reason... I never forget when I get a phone call promised to me...

Conclusion: The next person to falsely promise a phone call is going to get kneed in the groin.

Just a friendly courtesy warning to anyone who might want it...

Today was truly a day when the pinnacle occurred approximately 10 seconds before I woke up.

Now, for whatever reason, in the past few days, I�ve been having extremely vivid dreams... and remembering them to frightening detail the following morning...

A few nights ago, I had a very vivid dream about trying to sleep on a bed with ant trails and an infestation of spiders...

Last night, I was in one of my ex-boyfriend�s apartments... but... it was *my* apartment... and the house was empty... no furniture... the only contents were in my bedroom... and it was only boxes... I was getting ready to move out...

But... for whatever reason, I got out of the car, after having driven from New York... and I knew I was in Florida... when I walked through the front door, there was a big group of people waiting to welcome me home... I didn�t recognize any individual people... but... I could tell that I knew them all from Disney...

So... they all file into my room to grab boxes... and then I see this guy who I�ve had a crush on for, like, ever... he had been hiding in the crowd... we�ll call him �Mike�

�Oh my god... Mike! I have missed you so much!�

And I started running towards him... and I chased him around the room a little... and just before he tried to duck into my room, I pinned him up against the wall... I jump up on him... and he holds me... and we kiss...

And then...

My fucking alarm goes off...

And it was just getting interesting...

I think my alarm clock and my subconscious have sold out to the devil.

Too bad the rest of my body and life aren't reaping the benefits...

later, kids...

~robert