Losing my Balls

So... the other day... I�m sitting in my Intro to Asian American Studies class... (we won�t get into that one, today...) and the kid sitting at the next table is looking around, kinda sketchy like...

When he determines that no one is paying too close attention to him, he slowly reaches into his bag... and pulls out a folder...

He�s closely guarding it... I�m confused...

He puts the folder down on the desk and I see why he�s hiding it.

Mandy Moore is plastered across the folder.

Now... we�re not just talking like a little logo or a small picture... we�re talking, like, 10 different poses across the front.

I�m staring at the folder... I�m also laughing.

A couple other people are also looking.

The boy turns a rosy red... and covers the folder with everything he can find... including the book belonging to the girl next to him...

I can�t believe I ever said that class wasn�t ever entertaining...

I don�t think I was meant to have a tongue ring.

Sure... it�s fun... it�s interesting... it�s kinda kinky...

But I don�t think it wants to be in my mouth.

Example:

Last night, I was munching on some Honey Nut Chex Mix... which, as an aisde, is quite possibly the best stuff... ever. Anyhow, munch munch munch...

Well... I�ll explain my angst... but... first, I think it will be effective for you to read the conversation:

Dameon8888 (3:43:55 AM): shit

Dameon8888 (3:43:59 AM): tongue ring just fell out

Dameon8888 (3:44:01 AM): brb

Jsomnium (3:44:03 AM): omg...

JSomnium (3:44:03 AM): get it.

Dameon8888 (3:45:23 AM): i think that's god's way of telling me that i'm fat and need to stop munching on shit

So... here I am... munching away... �mmm... honey nut cluster...�

And then... disaster strikes...

�Dude... since when did Chex Mix come with metal balls.� I thought to myself... �OH FUCK... IT�S MY TONGUE RING.�

And of course, being the courteous IMer that I am, I have to explain my absence of a minute and twenty two seconds... before I step away...

So... I go to stand in front of the mirror... and I stick my tongue out to assess the situation... the bar is still in the tongue... that�s good... I�m clenching the ball in my molars...

Now I realize... I have half-masticated Honey Nut Chex Mix in my mouth... little bits and pieces of honey nut clusters, vanilla breadsticks, round pretzels and assorted chex are now an unrecognizable condition paste... the yummy goodness of the mix, now slathered in my saliva...

Ewwww...

So... in front of the mirror I stand... shoving my fingers into the chex mix paste in my mouth, I try to get the ball out of my molars... I retrieve it and attempt to grasp the slippery bar in my fingers...

After wiping the piece of vanilla breadstick off of the bottom ball to better grasp it, I got a death grip on it... spitting the ball to the tip of my tongue, I took it out of my mouth and attempted to get all of the nasty mix off...

Screwing the ball back on is always difficult... but... even more so when encrusted in chex mix... but... I did it... in almost record time...

But... really... I think that the tongue ring is trying to send me a message... but... I�m not sure exactly what it is... Is it...

A) I�m a fat bitch and don�t need to be munching on snacks...

B) The tongue ring just isn�t me... or...

C) I am not worthy enough to experience the pleasure of both a tongue ring and chex mix at the same time...?

*shrug*

but... hey... at least I found my balls...

later, kids...

~robert