What�s That Smell?

The HA 387 Law Exam.

Oy.

I came home from class and decided that I needed a nap before my exam...

I woke up at 5... and I get a frantic phone call...

�OMG... why aren�t you up, yet?! Get up... we have to go!�

It�s Rachel.

Evidently, the exam was at 5:30... not 6:30 as I had originally thought.

So... after some mad rushing, hastily throwing my computer into its case, and running across the bridge, I get there at 5:30.

There are five questions.

I got done with question number one at 6:45.

Fuck.

Finally, at 8pm, it was time for a cigarette break. Good thing I had finished two of the questions.

It was really almost amusing. Here I was, sitting in the Law School with my laptop in front of me, my earphones in, music blaring, with a diet coke one one side and a rice cake in my mouth. I mean... yeah... the exam was long as hell... but... I stopped at one point to look around. I mean... I wish that every exam could be like that... being able to listen to music, able to walk in and out of the room at will...

Finally, I finished the exam at 11:18pm. Five hours and forty-eight minutes later, I had written 17 pages of single spaced text, listened to my playlist about three times, consumed two-twenty ounce bottles of Diet Coke, one bottle of water, seven rice cakes, two granola bars and one chocolate heart.

But... I did it.

All I have to say is, I really hope that the TA who reads question number five has a good sense of humor... I started getting really punchy towards the end... here is one of the more amusing excerpts from the exam...

- - - - -

�Ok. Is Richards disabled? I would go with a big yes on that one. At the sound of rock music, he curls up in the fetal position. It�s pretty safe to say that at least one or more of his life functions was affected by this. Really... having to curl up and not being able to walk, talk or... whatever... that�s pretty big. Disabled... all the way. And really, it�s not like no one would notice. When you walk by a grown man sucking his thumb in the corner, you�d have to be totally stupid to not notice. Or maybe I�m just observant. But he�s still pretty disabled. And I�m fairly certain that the courts would agree. Maybe we could make a video of it happening. It�d be some powerful evidence... and I think it would just be damned funny.�

- - - - -

It gets more amusing as the exam goes on... including calling the defendant at �stupid ass...� hopefully the TA will enjoy it... and won�t mark me off too badly...

But... I�m done with it!

WHOO HOO!

So... I�m sitting in class the other day... and I�m sitting between two people which I don�t normally sit in between... a preppy sorority girl who always wears clothes that scream �I have breasts! Look at them! Look at *them*!�... and a dumb jock who is almost always in sweats with a look on his face which perpetually says... �Huh?�

No big deal... it�s just a class... and for once, the professor is actually lecturing... Normally, I have no problem making direct eye contact with the professor... but... it started making me uncomfortable... the professor was staring *directly* at me... did I have something on my face? Did I have a third eye in the middle of my forehead? What gives?

So... after about five minutes of her talking to the class, but looking only at me, I *had* to look away... As I looked around the room, I realized why she was looking directly at me... no one else was looking at her. Everyone else was either staring at the wall, out the window or at lord knows what... So... if you�re going to talk to people... you might as well look at someone who�s actually showing signs of life...

So... as I�m looking around the room, becoming much more aware of my surroundings... I begin to notice an odor...

*sniff sniff*

Why is this odor familiar?

*sniff sniff*

I know this smell...

*sniff sniff*

Why does it smell like a dorm room?

*sniff sniff*

It smells like someone�s dorm room from my freshman year...

*sniff sniff*

It smells like E___�s room... without the air freshener...

*sniff sniff*

Dude! It�s pot!

Now... you�ll have to excuse my naivete... but... aside from contact high a couple times, I�ve never had an illegal substance... unless you count a little underage drinking. I am not well versed in the whole drug scene... and I just kinda smile and nod when confronted with it... except for today.

Who is the odor coming from? And why is it so strong? I�m a curious little fucker... and I need to know...

So... I very discretely shift to my left, to see if Sorority Girl is the offender...

Hrmm... not apparently from her...

Now, I shift to the right, too see if it�s Jock Boy...

Not really coming from him, either...

Dude. I�m not crazy... someone reeks of marijuana.

The both exhale deeply at the same time... and as I breathe in... it�s pungent.

Sorority Girl leans over to say something to me... normally, I would be all... �I�m sorry... are you talking to me? I didn�t think I was good enough for you... you obviously don�t like me... and I sure as hell don�t care for you... so... just turn the fuck around and leave me alone...� But... today... I had a mission.

Ding ding! Sorority Girl is the winner of today�s contest!

I sit back in my chair, content with having solved the mystery... when Jock Boy leans in front of me to say something to Sorority. His broad shoulders and billowing hoodie are in my face...

*sniff sniff*

Ding ding! Jock Boy is also the cause... dual winners!

Now I begin to wonder... did they smoke up, together? Was it just before class? Are they together?

When the professor turns her back to the class for a moment, Jock Boy, still leaning over me, kisses Sorority Girl.

DUDE! WHAT THE FUCK?!

How many things are just... totally *wrong* with this situation...?!?!

1) Do you really need to get high before class? And if so... can we at least, like, sit *next* to each other, as to not get the person sitting in the middle high from contact?

2) PDA. Ok... I�m not cool with it... but... that�s just a personal thing... to each his own, right...? I mean... it�s ok as long as you�re not bothering anyone with it or invading anyone�s space.

3) There is a time and place for affection. The middle of class... not so much the time nor the place.

4) WHY ARE YOU MAKING OUT WITH SOMEONE INBETWEEN YOU?!?! Get the fuck off of me! I mean... male, female, small furry animal... if your tongue is entering the orifice of another... thing... *DON�T* use me as a means of support to get to it!

*shaking head*

Who does that?!

Dude... that�s it! I�m going to find a boi... and I�m going to plant him in the class... drunk off my ass... and I�m going to plant my tongue down his throat while straddling both Sorority Girl and Jock Boy... and... um... hmmmm...

*looks around*

Any volunteers?

later, kids...

~robert