Drag Queen... in my Bathroom?

Ok. So... I realize that I am not the easiest person to live with.

My room could often times be declared a federal disaster area... I mean... seriously... if I knew how to go about filing all of the paperwork, I know that I�d have 150 people with shovels, sandbags and massive quantities of food to get me through the crisis that is my room.

You�d think that being sentenced to housekeeping for a summer would have taught me how to be neat and tidy. In reality, it taught me how to be able to make anything look clean with minimal effort in record time...

I mean... I can organize and everything... but... I�m such a packrat... I�m so sentimental... I never want to throw anything away... I have every note I�ve ever gotten from a boyfriend... I have every program from every show I�ve ever seen... I have most of the ticket stubs from every movie I�ve seen...

And it�s not like I have piles of things that grow in my room... it�s just all... clutter.

Now... when we get to the common areas of the house... I�m a little different... I may have my belongings in the common areas... but... they�re all confined to their own piles... and when it gets too bad... I recognize it... and I move the pile to my room.

Raunchy kitchens are unacceptable. When I cook... I clean all of my dishes before I eat. Period. I usually only use one or two glasses from which to drink... and otherwise... that�s it. I have my own dishes (borrowed from RPU, back in the day when they had the nice place settings)... and I have one pot and a microwave rice cooker.

So... I�m a bit cluttered. I�m not that loud. Sometimes, I come in late... or... really early, depending on your point of view. I have my own cell phone, so I don�t get many calls on the house phone. When I answer the phone, I always take messages and write them down. I don�t hog the bathroom and I respect the privacy of others and the sanctity of their space.

I think I need to have a more rigorous screening process when it comes to roommates.

I am currently living with three straight boys... I knew two of �um fairly well before from school and such... but... really... I think I should�ve tried living with them for a week or something.

Don�t get me wrong... overall, I love it... but... there are a couple things that I�ve noticed that I either don�t understand... or could really do without...

Their rooms aren�t that bad. Not as cluttered as mine... but the rest of the house... hrmm... not so much... the apartment is wicked cluttered... piles of paper in the living room... piles of stuff in the hallway... I mean... it�s not that bad... and... I�ll get over it...

Can someone please explain to me the fascination of straight men and video games...? I mean, video games are the ONE thing straight guys can focus on for hours on end that doesn�t relate directly to food or sex. Lately, some Star Wars game thing has been on the screen every time I walk through the living room... and whenever I need to cross in front of the TV, I have to jump over the controller cord and race through the viewing area in order to minimize the blind time of the player. I don�t get it...

The kitchen is raunchy. Straight boys and beer. Ack. I mean, I can appreciate a beer every now and then... and I can understand a night of heavy drinking (isn�t *that* an understatement...)... but... really... do the bottles need to sit in, on and around the sink and dish drying rack for days on end? And plates...? Merely running water on dishes and then leaving them in the sink does not constitute washing them.

Someone else needs to buy milk. If I go into the kitchen to make my Lipton Broccoli Cheese Pasta to find someone has used all of the milk I bought... one... more... time...

One of my roommates takes longer in the bathroom than a drag queen getting ready for a performance at the Parliament House... and the drag queen has to tape down her hoo-haa and everything. He takes forever! And, the thing that annoys me the most... after a 25-minute shower... he opens the door... and I get wicked excited! �I can finally use the bathroom and *not* be wicked late to class!�... and then he stands there... taking *forever* to finish up whatever he has to finish... When I go to all of my scheduled classes (haha)... everything is fine... I have no conflicts with the bathroom... but... on those mornings when my 8:40 class just can�t happen... it�s not pretty...

And explain this one to me... I�m not sure about your personal method of drying yourself off... but... I open the shower curtain and dry myself off *before* stepping out of the tub... in fact, I even wipe the water off my right foot, before I exit the tub... then the left, before setting my foot on the bathmat. Am I strange for doing this? Because... it seems to me that everyone else in the house gets out of the shower, at least three times to, like, touch the wall on the other side of the room. Well... that�s what I gather from the fact that when I step into the bathroom after everyone else has showered, that there�s, like, 6 inches of standing water... and the bathmat is just one soggy mess! Maybe they just don�t even SHUT the shower curtain??? But, really... there is no reason for me to have to put on goulashes and a pair of swimmer�s goggles to get to the friggin� shower!

They�re starting a band, or something. All I know is that one afternoon, saw a Fender guitar sitting on the couch... and the next morning I woke up to the sounds of a drum set... why do straight boys like such loud things? All I have to say is that I sleep like the dead... and when you wake me up... it�s not pretty... next time, I�m thinking you�ll be hearing the sound of drums... hitting the pavement seven stories down...

Don�t get me wrong... I do love my roomies... they�re all really nice and I enjoy talking with them... I *love* their girlfriends (well... the two that have �um)... I love the fact that their parents and other people love them and the house is always filled with cookies...

But... for the love of god... if we can just work on one thing, boys... I don�t mind water on my calves... but... I�d rather do it *in* the shower...

And to the one who takes the longest in the bathroom... the next time you take that long... I expect to see you in spike heels, shaved legs, long hair and one helluva make up job.

later, kids...

~robert