The Joan Rivers of The Olympic Games

So... despite the fact I have reading and other crap to get done for this week... including studying for a 5 hour exam... I'm going to sit and watch the Closing Ceremony of the Olympics...

I'm pretty psyched... NSYNC, Christina and a host of other people are going to be on... and how excited are you...? You get to know *exactly* what I'm thinking... the whole time...

Don't they usually have a male and a female to commentate the ceremony?

Wait... just kidding... it's one guy... and one husky, tres butch lesbian.

NSYNC is singing the National Anthem!!!

How much do I love those boys?

Ok... maybe they need to work on the harmonies a little.

But they�re still *great*!

And sooooo cute... although... JC needs a haircut. And we need to work on getting me Justin's jeans...

The band KISS... at the Olympics...

Yeah... not so much...

Earth, Wind and Fire...

Huh?

I thought Captain Planet got cancelled a long time ago...

I guess they formed a band and became black after the cancellation of the show...

*shrug*

Gloria Estefan...

love the hat...

*snicker*

Can someone explain to me the outfits that the people skating around Gloria Estefan are wearing...? I think that my stint in Disney Entertainment has proved that no one should ever wear silver spandex... and the silver chainlink type shirts... not so much...

Harry Connick Jr. can shut his hole.

Now, preferably.

Leanne Rimes... So... I'm not always the biggest fan of her... but... I really like the song that has become a pseudo-theme of these Olympic games... "The Fire Within"...

And I think that the little red riding hood Child of Light is a cutie... and for being an icy hockey player, he's pretty good at figure skating...

But Scott Hamilton... why did they give him a role... I mean... he is a janitor, sweeping a broom... so... that's funny... but... really... I'm over it. I'm over him. Actually... I'd like to be over him... with my car.

Italy is on crack. They're hosting the next Winter Olympics... and this is the chance they get to introduce themselves to the world...

And I can�t believe they�re doing it by showcasing the fact they have fashion designers there.

As for the opera singer in the lime green coat... she needs to go look in the mirror... and think again.

And what is this skanky whore Italian singer wearing...??? A white fishnet shirt with some like furry shit woven into it...

Basically, I've learned that Italy is full of whores. Maybe that's why my friend Mary is moving there... hrmm...

Donny and Marie Osmand...? WHAT? What in the gay hell are they doing at the Olympics...?

I guess that after the cancellation of their critically acclaimed talk show... they have a lot of free time...

Mitt Romney, the head of the Salt Lake City Organizing Committee, is a bumbling fool. He likes to hear himself talk... a lot. He's a crazy motivational speaker that should never been given the opportunity to be in charge of picking his own wardrobe, let alone heading the Winter Olympics...

�Talk about an American icon... Willie Nelson.�

Riiiiiiiiiight.

Well... I�m glad that the Olympic committee was able to get a lot of stellar names, tonight... *rolls eyes*

The children of light... exactly what do they represent?

The commentators say they represent hope and the future and shit.

I say all of the little children, dressed exactly the same, all carying freaky little alien lights, represent all of the crazy crack ass cults in the great state of Utah.

And only would the trash of Utah use their children to sing �Happy Trails to You� to say goodbye to the world... mormens *shaking head*

I love Charlotte Church.

How sad... the Olympic torch has been extinguished...

Maybe we could use a different torch...

Where's Scott Hamilton when you need him?

Nike. Can't say I really like the products a whole lot... but I *love* their commercials... have you seen this one? The music and the stream of spliced Olympic and other beautiful shots... it's just... great.

Before the commercial break... they were, like, all somber and skating slowly with these pretty bird kites...

And now... they�re dumping florescent paint on the ice and shining black lights on it. I�m sooooo lost...

And now Christina Aguillera... in skanky clothes (surprise, surprise)... but... dude... girl needs to learn how to lip sync better...

Timothy Goebel: American. Figure Skater. Flaming queer.

They just showed a shot of him dancing on the ice... with his little blond spiky hair... hands above his head... clinging onto his fag hag... sporting his little baby blue fag bag... It�s nice to see that he�s comfortable enough with his flaming homosexuality to do that...

And now... there are giant fake snow balls rolling towards him. As the commentator just added... "giant balls, heading down the crowd in avalanche proportions..." towards Timothy Goebel.

How appropriate.

Bon Jovi... isn't he dead, yet?

So... that's the end of the extravaganza...

*sigh*

Wow... looking back... I was a little harsh, huh?

Damn... I almost feel like I'm on E!, commentating the arrival of the stars to the Oscar's...

Oh my god.

I'm the Joan Rivers of the Olympic Games... only without the face lifts and the collagen...

But, hey... no body's perfect.

later, kids...

~robert