Intern Way Too Gay

This conversation is just sooooo relevant to the topic at hand... and it's kinda funny...

Dameon8888: is he gay?

HotelVal21: NOPE!

Dameon8888: could he be?

Dameon8888: can i persuade him?

Dameon8888: what about alcohol?

HotelVal21: he goes to art school?!?!?

Dameon8888: lol

OGT

Obviously Gay Trait

I believe I first came across the term while watching the movie The Broken Hearts Club. If you�ve never heard of it... you�re probably straight. If you�re not straight... you *have* to see it... Actually... even if you *are* straight, you should really see it... it�s amusing and enlightening... and it really does have an stellar cast...

So... Obviously Gay Trait. It�s the term used to describe those traits within each gay man, which could be used to distinguish the fact that he is gay. The traits don�t define the sexual orientation, rather, they are indicators that he is gay. I mean... take Disney Entertainment, for example. The fact that a man works in the department doesn�t *automatically* make him gay... but... if you�re unsure about a guy�s status, the more OGTs you find, the more likely he is, in fact, gay.

Some typical OGTs...

• Limp wrist.

• Talks with hands, a lot.

• Lisp.

• High pitched voice.

• Has short, well kept hair.

• Uses more than 3 hair care products, simultaneously.

• Cleanly shaven, everyday. If he has facial hair, it�s very well kept.

• Goes by full name, even though many nicknames are available.

• Is named Matthew. (How many Matts do you know? I know 10. One one is *truly* straight.)

• Name starts with the letter �j.� (Once again, past experience... John, Josh, Justin, James, Joe, Joey... you get the picture.)

• Rapid, massive weight loss.

• Has a very �pretty� face.

• Very good posture.

• Walks with chest up and out.

• Crosses one knee over the other, when sitting.

• Impeccable fashion sense.

• Watches The Golden Girls or Will & Grace.

• Watches trashy Lifetime Movies.

• Loves Martha Stewart.

• Enjoys home decorating.

• Enjoys watching or performing figure skating.

• Enjoys musical theater.

• Performs in musical theater.

• Is a musician in an orchestra.

• Loves Britney Spears and boy bands.

• Has a tongue ring.

• Attends an �art school.�

• Works in Entertainment.

• Works for Disney.

• Attends the Hotel School.

• Loves shopping at the Pottery Barn, or similar stores.

• Dresses in all Banana Republic, J Crew or designer labels.

• Owns more that one pair of brown shoes or black shoes.

• Complains about not being able to match shoes to the outfit.

• Owns more than 5 jackets.

• Wears a Kenneth Cole watch.

• Screams at people when the belt and shoes don�t match.

• Has many gay friends.

• Has many friends who are female.

• Has a friend others consider to be a �fairy princess magnet,� more commonly referred to as a �fag hag.�

There are a million others... but... these are the most common ones I could think of right now... which brings me to my next segment...

Some gay bois are just waaaaaay too gay for me.

Like, has anyone seen The Tonight Show, lately? Well, Jay Leno has this intern whom is covering the Winter Olympics. I think his name is Ross.... and this boy is a friggin� butt pirate, if I�ve ever seen one. If he were an indian... his name would be Intern Way Too Gay.

Have you seen this kid? Anyhow... he has soooo many OGTs... it�s just scary... this boy has more OGTs than Richard Simmons... He hits at least 10 points or more on the above list... high pitched voice, (semi) pretty face, lisp, short hair, cleanly shaven, chest up and out... He continually rants and raves about how much he loves Michelle Kwan... I mean... he�s so gay, I bet he shops at Lerner... or with his size, more likely Lane Bryant... but... as soon as he fully comes out of the closet on TV... he�ll get the rapid weight loss - I�m sure of it... and he�ll be shopping in Lerner in *no time*.

Well... he�s sooooo flamey, I can hardly stand it. In fact... I�m just annoyed by it! Now... I throw the word �gay� around like a cheerleader... (cheap, easy and all over)... but... I don�t like the word �fag�... and I rarely use it... unless... it�s appropriate. And this boy... is a *fag*.

I mean... I meet enough of the critera that I got my Gay Card a long time ago...

Side story... Yes... I DO actually have a card. It�s red, the size of a credit card... and it says �UNDER 21� on it... so... it doesn�t *actually* say �gay� on it... but... in Ithaca, there�s this little gay club on the outskirts of town, names Common Ground... and... if you�re underage, you have to get this form notarized, stating that you won�t drink on their property... and then they give you the card which you must present every time you go...

Anywho... I admit that I do have a lot of OGTs... but... I really don�t consider myself very flaming... On a scale of Pat Robertson to Richard Simmons... I�d say that I probably fall somewhere just below Will from Will & Grace... I have a few OGTs... and I know I�m gay... I�m comfortable with it... and while I�m not overly gay... I definitely queen out at times...

But... I just don�t like overly gay men. I mean... you are who you are... but I truly believe that very few totally flaming men... just... men who aren�t actually that flaming by nature, rather, merely an act... I mean... when I see a really cute guy, whom I suspect to be gay, I turn the flames up a notch or two to draw attention and elicit a reaction... but... I usually just act as I am. I mean, I actually feel badly for guys who feel it is their purpose in life to be gay... they don�t have an identity of their own... so... they take the gay factor... and capitalize.

For me, being gay is just a part of me. I mean, long before *I* even knew I was gay, I had most of the OGTs that I do, now... and some others, I worked into and acquired as I began to be around gay men, more... But... now that I am clear on the subject of my sexual orientation (it is *not* a preference... more on that some other time), I realize that the only significant difference is the company I take to bed with me...

I�ve always been Robert... although, now that I am a bit clearer as to who I am, I am a lot more comfortable with myself. I have a self-esteem, self confidence and self respect.

And just like before, I don�t really like the �gay scene�... I�m not a big clubby guy... and I don�t need to be surrounded by hordes of hot, sweaty, shirtless boys who are dunk and/or rolling to get attention...

And I don�t like drag. I have never dressed up as a woman. I don�t like watching men dressed up as women. It makes me uncomfortable and I don�t find it amusing. I really don�t know why I find it so unsettling... maybe it has to do with an unfortunate run-in with a drag queen in a rest room... wait... that didn�t happen to me... it was in Trick. (Another grrrrreat gay flick... �Have you ever had cum in your eye, Gabrielle? It burns.�

And also, like before, I don�t particularly like big flaming �fags.� I get annoyed. I find them obnoxious and overbearing. You�re gay! I get it, already... time to move on...

So... I normally can stomach Jay Leno... and sometimes Ross the Intern isn�t too bad... sometimes funny... but... really... when he queens out too much... I just want to reach through the damned TV and slap his chins around!

So... Ross... if you ever read this... please. For the sake of yourself and your audience, come out of the closet, already... you�ll feel so much better about yourself.

Plus, no longer will you need to buy tarp sized panties... you'll be in Lerner in no time.

Yeah... so... I�ve concluded that due to the last section, I�ve clinched my ticket to Hell...

I mean... if I wasn�t automatically barred from heaven for the whole gay thing.

And the occasional lusting... (mmmm... Anson Mount...)

Ok. So... maybe I�m driving the bus.

*shrug*

I�ll deal with that bridge when I cross it...

But, really... if Hell is going to be with a bunch of drug users, alcoholics, kinky sex people and gay men galore... It's going to be a kick ass party... so... I guess that I just need to know one thing...

Where do I sign?

later, kids...

~robert