Another Perfect Day... in Hell

Today was bad.

Bad bad bad.

*sigh*

I don�t even know where to begin... so... I guess chronologically is the best bet...

I woke up with the sun shining in my face... which is pretty difficult, considering the window is, like, behind me. But... nonetheless, the sun decided that I needed to be up around 8:30 this morning... which was not pretty, considering I didn�t get to bed �til 4am.

I can�t really complain about getting to bed late, though, as it�s all my fault. Sure, I could blame the fact that I had a paper due today, as well as some PowerPoint slides to finish for a group presentation... but... really... had I not been such a fucking procrastinator this weekend, I would have gotten plenty of sleep last night... although I did try to get to sleep around 3... but laid awake in bed for an hour and a half with all sorts of thoughts running through my head.

But... I�m a procrastinator. I could�ve been working on the paper, but I decided that I needed to go to Syracuse last night... now... don�t get me wrong... I had a *wonderful* time with James last night... and I could�ve stuck to my guns and left when I had originally planned... but... it just didn�t happen...

*sigh*

James is another story in and of itself. Long story short, there�s a definate spark there... and as much as I would like to get involved... I just have this feeling that the circumstances aren�t good, right now. Which makes me sad. Although... this opinion changes on my part on an hour-to-hour basis, dependant upon my mood and the number of things on my mind at any given moment. I mean, I like him... a lot. He knows this. I know this. He likes me, too... but unfortunately, as is the story of my life, sometimes it just isn�t enough.

*sigh*

But... I guess I just need to wait and hope for the best.

*sigh*

I mean... I see all of the reasons that we shouldn�t get involved... there�s a lot to factor in on both sides... and logically, it all adds up... but... when we�re together... it�s just... such a different story...

*sigh*

Wait and hope for the best... everything works out for the best.

Repeat until believed.

*sigh*

Right. So... I got up this morning and went out to my doctor�s appointment at Gannet. On the upside, they went against their normal course of action and failed to ask me if I was pregnant. Those of you who don�t attend Cornell are probably laughing... but... it�s so true...

�My leg was severed at the knee.�

�My. That sounds like a problem. Are you pregnant?�

�Um... no. I have a penis.�

I swear to god, I�ve had conversations like this before with those damned med-school drop outs.

Anywho... I went to the shrink to check up to see how my medications are going... and we decided that I�m going back on anti-depressants... yea, Celexa!

Of course, they would be out of the free samples at the clinic, as I suppose there are a lot of depressed kids at this school... so... I have to wait �til I get the chance to get to a drug store... hopefully this will happen tomorrow, as I feel the need to start the new drugs right away. Like... NOW.

*sigh*

So... I love snow. Well... I love *looking* at snow. Ok. I love looking at snow through the windows in the comfort of my well heated apartment.

And when it�s not snowing and it�s sunny out, I love walking outside... and I really love spring-type days... when it�s not warm enough to run around in a tank-top, but all that�s needed is a light jacket...

Although, the problem with this arises when these days follow each other, as they often do in Ithaca. Yesterday, it snowed. By the time I got back from Syracuse, it was so peaceful outside. The world was sleeping, covered in a sheet of white. It wasn�t bitterly cold... and the moon was casting a mysterious glow over the town. It was really one of the most wonderful evenings I remember from Ithaca. Today was also beautiful... the sun was shining and it was just gorgeous outside. Well... that was from my window.

On the street, it was an entirely different story.

Slush. Fucking slush... *everywhere*.

Black, nasty slush, almost ankle deep at some points... sliding around and hearing that disgusting sound... like the sound of a morbidly obese woman who rents electric wheel chairs at theme parks lathering mayonnaise on a loaded foot long sub from Sub-way.

Ack. I hate having to concentrate on walking... making sure there I�m not going to trip into a crater in the pavement because it�s filled with muddy slush... making sure I don�t wipe out while walking down a hill...

Although, when I stopped to think about it for a minute... I guess I was thoroughly amused by the fact that the little sorostitute (that�s the technical term for a sorority girl who sells her body for beer at frat parties) walking in front of me, with the obligatory pea coat from J-Crew, was wearing khaki pants. This, in and of itself wasn�t funny. However, the fact that her big clown shoes were kicking up this black slush all over the back of her legs was funny. Not that it makes a difference, anyways... I�m sure that she has at least 150 other pairs of the same damned pants in her closet.

Note to self: If I leave my apartment in college town at 1:23pm, I will definitely be late for my 1:25pm class.

So... this brings us up to TCAB... which I lovingly call �Satan�s Kitchen.� I have an 8 hour lab. EIGHT HOUR LAB. 2:55pm until 11pm. It�s an evil evil class, involving insane amounts of work outside of class and a two hour lecture on Friday mornings.

It�s slave labor. Pure and simple. We are forced to work in this restaurant that we run. One night during the semester in HELL, we manage the restaurant, planning the theme, menu, d�cor and financial outlook. When it�s not our night to manage, we are either slaving away in the kitchen or serving in the dining room. Too bad we can�t keep tips and the instructor yells at you if you�re caught eating in the kitchen.

So... tonight, I was the trouble shooter.

Read as: the bitch who picks up everyone else�s slack and takes care of everything that the managers forgot to do... but it has to be done immediately... and when the instructor tells you to do something else, you get yelled at by the manager who needs you to do something else...

Am *I* am paying to get thrown into this pit of hell.

Fuck.

Coming into this shift in Satan�s Kitchen, I was already down. I was fucking exhausted from no sleep the night before... and I was in a wretched mood from hiking through slush to get a prescription for medication that I can�t get for both a lack of time and a severe lack of funds. Not to mention the amount of shit on my mind... boys, life, family, physical heath, mental health, emotional health, money, school, lack of food, the uncertainty of being at Cornell next semester... I mean, it�s not that this shit isn�t always looming over me... but... some days, I�m faced with less than others... and some days, I�m just better equipped to handle it.

I mean, tonight at my lab, it was just such a microcosm of my life... being yelled at by all sorts of random people for things that aren�t my fault... being forced into eight different directions at the same time... hungry as fuck... realizing that I can�t afford the food I�m preparing... craving two minutes of downtime to sneak away for a cigarette... seeing the suit on the manager and wondering what I�m going to wear for my interview on Friday, whether or not I�ll get the job and where this step might lead me into my future... still reeling from the cold which has dictated my health since I got back to school... tired as fuck... having a bizarre flirting relationship with a guy I could never have (even though I don�t want him)... wondering what the stupid jocks and sorostitutes were talking about while pointing at me and laughing after I had a �flame out� moment... thinking about the work I have to have done tomorrow... all the while, being graded on my performance in the lab.

Today was just... overwhelming.

And it�s only Monday.

Fuck.

I think my playlist is fucking with me. It�s on random...

Alicia Keys � Fallin�

Ruff Endz � If I Was The One

Incubus � Drive

American Hi-Fi � Another Perfect Day

Another perfect day, huh?

Yeah. Another perfect day... in Hell.

But... tomorrow�s another day.

later, kids...

~robert